You might think from some of the articles I have written that I think the average single parent has to be a super-star—super good at everything and on top of all the chaos that comes with family life. Not so. In fact, I think we can get into trouble trying to be everything to everyone and expecting ourselves to be fabulously amazing at everything. PLUS, I think it can send the wrong message to our children.
I know that single parenthood seems to call upon us to be better at more things than we ever had to before. We might have been able to get away with not being a great cook or not being able to handle finances, bills and investments when we were partnered or before we became a parent. But, parenthood, particularly single parenthood does require us to get functional abilities in all sorts of areas—we just can’t pass it off on anyone else. That said, the key consideration here is that we might have to be passable and functional—we don’t have to excel at everything. We will still have weak areas or things that are quite overwhelming. There is just no way we should expect ourselves to handle everything on our own and do it without flaw or fumble.
Think of it this way—if you are putting pressure on yourself to be great at everything—what sort of message are you sending to your child? Is he going to assume that failure and flaws just are not welcome in your family? Is she going to be afraid to admit that she is having trouble or struggling with something? Making our children think we are super-human might make them feel comfortable and safe for a while, but it can also make them feel a pressure to excel or find it very scary when we do lose control or stumble. It might seem so strange and disconcerting because they expect us to be grand at everything. Instead, we can be strong and capable, but still human. We don’t have to be great at everything and we don’t need to have people think we are.