Out of all the many lessons I am learning on this journey of parenthood, one that has especially been hitting close to home lately is the fact that I cannot change my children. Nor should I really desire to.
Actually, this lesson began early on when my oldest son was about 4 years old. My husband is a sports fanatic. He not only enjoys watching sports but playing as well. So when our firstborn was a son, he assumed they would share the same interests.
As soon as he was of age to join T-ball, we signed him up. My husband couldn’t have been prouder that first practice, in which he was sure he would witness a chip off the old block. He probably had visions of our son hitting the ball far and making awesome catches.
But our son had absolutely no interest at all. Out in the field instead of paying attention to balls coming his way, he was looking up in the clouds. When it came time to bat, forget it…he kept missing.
It took just a couple more practices for my husband to realize that our son wasn’t the sports fanatic he was. And over the years he would continue to deal with that, finally coming to the place of acceptance.
Now that our children are venturing closer and closer to adulthood, there is sometimes that pull inside…the drive to help shape and form our children. Yet we can’t change our children.
The only person we can ever change is ourselves. So sometimes that means changing our perspective and our expectations.
There are some things about our children that simply won’t ever change, such as my oldest son’s disdain for sports. But there are other things that will take time, maturity and navigating through life to bring about changes.
I am finding that my role as a parent is also changing. With my now 18-year-old son, it is more about influencing than directing. And my ability to direct my other two teens will start to work its way into more of an influential role as well.
As a parent, there comes a time when we have to allow our children to be who they are. We are the only one we can really change.
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