I had a note recently from a first-time single mom who confessed that she “had no idea what she was doing, but she was having a great time figuring it out as she went along.” I thought this was such a great attitude and a good reminder that as parents—single or partnered, we really do learn so much by actually doing it. We can only read so many books and talk to so many experts, and then we have to just jump in and learn on the fly!
I had a few years of parenting under my belt before I became a single parent, but there were so many things for me to learn! It was as if I had been doing one job and I was suddenly promoted to supervisor or into an entirely different department. What I learned about time management, maintaining sanity and control, how to keep things organized as a working mom of three who was also going to school full time were not any things I read in books! While I was able to glean a tip or two here and there, mostly, I had to learn on the job and make adjustments to fit my family and each individual personality affected.
My experience is not terribly unique, either! I often have non-single parents say to me something like: “I could never do that! I have no idea how you manage.” Or from non-parents, I will get: “I can barely take care of myself, let alone another person!” The truth is, though, there is no secret club or special test that a person has to pass to become a parent or a single parent, we just learn on the job—initiation by fire. So, trust that you will get the lessons you need to get and that you will rise to the occasions as they present themselves. There is nothing quite like learning by doing anyway!
Also: Know Your Own Limits