Values and beliefs are not just taught through lectures and organized lessons. In fact, I would argue that is one of the least effective ways to teach our children what we value and believe in as parents. We pass along our belief systems through the things we praise and encourage and the boundaries we set and the type of discipline we choose to use (and what we discipline our children for.)
Do you value winning? Participation? Getting along with other? Academics? Risk-taking? Physical strength? Chances are your child can tell you what is important to you based on the things that you tell him “good job” for. If you are praising and paying your child $5 for every goal she scores on the soccer field, you are sending a strong message that winning and athletic “success” is a big issue for you. Likewise, if you are paying for grades, only paying attention to what your child does on paper or on tests—you are sending a very clear message that academics rule your world.
I am not sharing this to be judgmental, but rather to point out that as parents it is important that we make sure our actions match our true values and belief systems. If we really want to encourage our child to participate or to learn to complete projects, or to be comfortable working as part of a team—then these are the things we need to focus on and praise. While we cannot “make” our children into little versions of what we want them to be, we can send a clear and consistent message about what we value as parents and we can make sure that we are sending the message consistently and clearly. How we praise and how we approach discipline are two of the key ways we do this.
See Also: Discuss Values and Beliefs Before Marriage
Scrapbooking Your Values and Virtues