We’re entering the home stretch! It’s week 7 of 8 Weeks To A Well-behaved Child. This week we learn how to remove rewards and privileges to eliminate serious misbehavior. Before we move on, let’s review last week.
In week six we talked about using effective punishment to discourage problem behaviors. We talked about using punishment effectively as well as the proper way to use time-out. For homework we were supposed to use reprimands as a mild punishment and also use time-out to discourage a menacing behavior. How did you do? Me? With the holidays it was frantic at my house but I tried like heck to stick with the program. Have I noticed a marked improvement in Tyler’s behavior? I would have to say, not yet, but I will continue and maybe even start over after the holidays have passed. There are a lot of good points to the program but you really have to follow it to the letter in order for it to work completely.
Now for this week. The author starts by pointing out that many parents feel they cannot punish their kids without using “strong-arm tactics”. Time-outs are okay for younger kids but many are at a loss as to what to do with older kids– especially teens. This is where removing the source of a child’s pleasure comes in.
Removing rewards and privileges is an effective means of punishing your kids no matter their age. Some examples include taking away:
phone privileges
allowances
TV time
playing with friends
use of the family car
In order for this punishment to work, the reward or privilege that you remove must be significant to your child to make an impression. In my case, I can tell Tyler that he can’t watch TV but it really does not matter because he watches so little TV as it is and not being able to watch TV would not be an effective punishment for him.
For older kids parents have to also remember that their kids will try to manipulate them. They may say they didn’t want to “go to the dance anyway” (of course they really want to) causing the parents to rethink and perhaps remove another privilege or reward.
Here are a few other things to keep in mind when removing rewards and privileges:
(1) A fair punishment is one that fits the offense.
(2) Consistency is vitally important.
(3) Punishments of long durations have the potential for possible negative side effects.
(4) Don’t use the same punishment all the time.
(5) If you warn a child that you will remove a reward or privilege if a behavior occurs and that behavior does occur, make sure you follow through.
Now for the assignment for this week. Think of a behavior you want to eliminate and use removing rewards and privileges as punishment for the offending behavior. Try to work only with serious or dangerous behaviors and ignore the irritating, attention-seeking behaviors.
Next week: Putting Discipline Techniques Together For A Better-behaved Child
See also:
8 Weeks to Well-behaved Child, Week 6, part two
8 Weeks to Well-behaved Child, Week 6, part one
8 Weeks to Well-behaved Child, Week 5
8 Weeks to Well-behaved Child, Week 4
8 Weeks To a Well Behaved Child: Week Three
8 Weeks To a Well Behaved Child: Week Two, Part Two
8 Weeks To a Well Behaved Child: Week Two
8 Weeks To a Well Behaved Child: Week One
8 Weeks To a Well Behaved Child