This week starts week one of 8 Weeks To A Well-behaved Child. The first week looks at 12 keys to effective parenting. Before we get started let me just say that in order for this technique to work, according to the author, you must follow certain rules. First, all the techniques have to be used exactly as outlined. Second, the discipline skills are to be used in conjunction with each other. The techniques must also be used consistently and finally, you have to use discipline with confidence.
A few definitions are also in order. First, the author defines discipline as all the things you do as a parent to guide, direct, shape and teach your children. Second, a behavior problem is any difficult behavior that causes parents concern and continues for more than a few days.
The author also points out several reasons why kids develop behavior problems in the first place. They are as follows:
(1) Children develop behavior problems because of their unique traits and characteristics.
(2) The unrealistic expectations of the parents often leads to the development of behavior problems.
(3) Parental stress, depression and other problems can also lead to behavior problems.
(4) A lack of competent or adequate discipline skills often leads to misbehavior.
(5) When parents lack knowledge about child development, behavior problems may occur.
(6) Finally, a combination of two or more of the above may lead to the development of behavior problems.
Now that you have some background information, what are the 12 keys to effective parenting? According to the author they are:
Providing love, affection and concern
Helping build self-esteem
Having respect for children
Accepting children and showing approval
Having an understanding of discipline techniques
Providing clear and reasonable expectations
Being consistent
Setting strict and firm limits
All childcare figures in the home must have a consistent parenting approach
Enforcing limits
Within limits, allowing for dissent and expression of feelings
Being able to let go of our children
These are the key factors that will make us effective parents. Most importantly, we as parents need to be aware of any negative or critical messages we send to our kids. Even simple messages like, “You never listen,” or “You’re not trying”, can send the wrong message to our kids. When our kids hear negative messages from adults they tend to start believing and living the message—- sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. We as parents should strive to praise desired behavior and ignore the rest.
Your assignment of week one is really simple: monitor how often you use critical remarks and negative statements. What you also need to do is take out a piece of paper and list 10 things you like and appreciate about your child.
And that’s it for week one. Next week we’ll talk about giving praise and attention.
See Also:
8 Weeks To a Well-behaved Child