I hate to tell you this, because I know you love me and you only have the highest regard for me, but . . . I’m still fat.
Those of you who have been reading about my weight loss journey for the past year know that I’ve had a lot of breakthroughs. I “get” the reasons why we should eat protein. I “get” the importance of exercise, of water, of cutting back on sweets and carbonation, of increasing our fruit and vegetable intake, of being gentler with ourselves in our self-talk and criticism. But even with all this valuable information at my fingertips, I’m still fat.
Why?
Because I self-sabotage.
“But Tristi!” I hear you say. “Why? Why would you do that to yourself?”
“I don’t know,” I reply. “But every time I get going on something good, I find a way to mess it up.”
When my husband started working a regular 9-5 job after a couple of years of working nights, our schedules changed so much that I no longer naturally had time to dash off to the gym in the afternoons. Instead of creating a time later in the day or earlier in the morning, I quit going.
I keep myself too busy to positively work through my emotions so that when they surface, I grab a quick snack to make myself feel better so I can keep going. Along the same lines, I rarely sit down to actually eat a meal, so I’m eating on the run all the time, allowing myself to have huge dips in my blood sugar before eating, and then overcompensating.
I tell myself all the time that I’ll lose the weight eventually, yet I don’t work on it consistently and just expect that the day will just arrive when it all falls into place and that then I will magically be thin.
I don’t know why I do this. I want to be healthy. I want to get out there and run around with my kids. I want to be a cool mom, one who takes them roller-skating and to the pool. Yet something is holding me back. I suspect it stems from my childhood. (Isn’t it convenient to blame all our problems on our parents?) Regardless of the root, it’s got to stop. I’ve got to start treating myself as a person of worth and taking the care of myself I deserve.
And you get to come along with me. If you want.
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