We single parents know that we are supposed to refrain from bashing our exes in front of the kids and I know we have talked a bit about it here in the Single Parents Blog—but what happens when our friends or family members say negative things about our ex, the other parent, in front of our kids? How should we handle it? Should we defend, ignore, set a firm boundary? It can be an awkward situation…
For me, this didn’t seem to be much of a problem when my children were younger—people just seemed to understand that it was inappropriate. As my children have gotten older, however, and people think of them as more resilient and mature—or think that enough time has passed that it is open season. While it is reassuring to know that there are people in “your camp” and who have been on your side, as single parents, many of us work hard to maintain some civility and acceptance so our children don’t feel like they are stuck in the middle. Hearing other people “bash” the other parent can be disconcerting.
My response is to try to set the boundaries and let people know that it isn’t okay, but I have also had conversations with my children after the fact to help them understand that I either don’t agree or that I hope that they will not take anything said to heart. It is a tough situation since I want to protect my kids, but I know that I cannot control everything. I only hope that over time they will formulate their own ideas and opinions and that they will understand that I believe there are two sides (or more) to everything and that it all depends on which side of the fence one is standing on as to how things look. As for my friends and family, I try to let them know that they can say whatever they want to me, but positive things only (or nothing at all) in front of the kids please.
Also: Can Your Kids Respect You When Your Ex Doesn’t
Dealing with the “Ex” in Public