The term open marriage became popular in the early seventies, when rather than divorcing, couples chose to experiment by staying together yet dating other people. There was a huge controversy around the concept, and now open marriages have for the most part gone underground, like polygamy, polyamorous and other misunderstood unions.
An open marriage does not mean that the couple has separate families, it is a term which describes a marriage where even though the couple may be happy in other areas-or on the brink of divorce, as previously stated-they choose to stay together but engage in sex with people outside of their marriage. Some open marriages do this by agreeing to “swap partners” with other married couples and agree that this is the best way to have open marriage sex, because both couples have already agreed to the relationship and there is less chance of jealousy or leaving your spouse for the other person’s partner.
Sound complicated? It’s not.
Couples go online or check out the local adult book stores to find open marriage clubs in their area. These used to be known as “wife swapping clubs” but that term went out years ago when they realized it was demeaning and gave the wrong impression of how they felt about women. Once a connection is made, the couples agree to meet and get to know each other. This is typically done publicly, as in going out for dinner, or in exclusive clubs where sexually free couples can meet each other and feel safe around other couples. There is usually music and a stage show, a light snack buffet, and a host who oversees the proceedings and acts as bouncer in case someone gets in who is either not a member or is acting foolish. There are membership dues monthly or yearly for these clubs, and confidentiality is paramount.
Couples with open marriages agree on a few rules. Usually these are along the lines of not moving in with or spending an extraordinary amount of time with the person whom you are not married to. This would ride the line of polygamy rather than open marriage. Open marriages are about sexual release and experiment, and nothing else. They do not attend each other’s little league games or barbecues. Other rules include only going out once or twice a week, some only once a month. Both parties have to be in total agreement that this is how they want their marriage to be; otherwise the idea simply will not work. Asking your partner for an open marriage and not respecting their wishes is called cheating-nothing like a true open marriage.
The most asked question about open marriages is about jealousy. How do these couples deal with that?
Not very well, according to statistics. There is a very high divorce rate among open marriages and the pain and mistrust is just not worth it.
This is an extremely touchy subject for most married couples, and if you know in your heart that your spouse wouldn’t have anything to do with open marriage, you need to be honest about discussing it, and not surprised when they don’t want to have any part of it.