Every child is different and every family is different. While we may assume that bedtime, food, sibling rivalry, or other “typical” conflicts abound in every family. That’s not necessarily the case. The fact that different personalities are at play, means different dynamics—and this means that what is a big battle in one household, may not even be a glitch in another.
When do you find you have the biggest battles with your child? Is it over bedtime or getting up in the morning? Potty-training? Temper tantrums or fits? Do you have a picky eater or a particularly messy child? The thing about triggers or stressors is that we can get locked in a nasty cycle—we know that we are going to go to battle over something with one of our children, we fuss about it and anticipate the battle, our expectation brings about predictable behaviors in both our child and ourselves and it’s tough for us to break out and create a different “scene” in our battle movie.
Have you ever noticed that something you might have a bit battle with your child over isn’t even an issue when he’s staying at Grandma’s or dealing with Dad? Which one of us hasn’t said, “She’d never do that with/for me!” We want to think that our biggest battles are all because of our child’s behaviors or choices, but there may actually be a dance or a dynamic that is going on between the two of us. If we stop playing our role and remove ourselves from the dynamic, things just might change.
So, what brings out the worst in you with your child or children? Are there particular issues where you seem to struggle and fight—even though you might have tried everything and anything you can garner from all those parenting articles? Have any battle issues been passed down from child to child or does each one have his or her own “biggies”? Would you be willing to share what your biggest parent/child battles are?
See Also: How Much of This is Personality? and When You and Your Child’s Temperament DON’T Match