Have you ever heard that the best way to cope with a disaster is to avoid it? How about “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure?” When it comes to parenting, the same rules of nature apply. Instead of finding yourself in the throws of temper tantrums and bad behavior with your child, it often makes more sense to figure out the causes and avoid it…
I know that we parents don’t always see the behavior issues coming, in fact, that is one of the “joys” of parenthood–how much of a surprise every day can be. But, we can learn to foresee trouble and anticipate where our child might fall into unsavory behaviors, and steer clear. Every child is different–what is a fun challenge for one, can be the undoing of another; what is chaos and stress for one, can be a blip on the radar screen for another. As a parent, however, we can get to know our child, his triggers, and what sort of combinations set things off in the wrong direction and avoid them.
For example, if you know that your child is uber-sensitve to lots of noise and chaos, and that he or she gets anxious and out-of-control in crazy social situations, why force him or her to participate and then expect exemplary behavior? We all learn to make accommodations for ourselves and, as adults, we surely choose things we enjoy and avoid things that make us crazy. Why do we insist that our children be forced to do things that make them crazy? And then we get upset because they have melt-downs or misbehave.
Know your child’s schedule–don’t go shopping during naptime, or make a child skip meals for something “more important.” Watch out for situations that are so out-of-control that a child feels like she is free-flying and can’t find her feet. I used to find that my kids really acted out during big family holiday gatherings–there was just so much stimulation and new people and multiple conversations and weird food. I couldn’t relax or have any fun at all because I was so busy parenting the entire time. Finally, I learned ways of preparing my kids, we arrived later so we could avoid being there too long, and I confided in some of my family members so we could get the kids going on constructive and safe play before they got into trouble.
Why force you and your child into situations where you know it will be stressful, unpleasant, and a recipe for bad behavior. Avoidance is a perfectly reasonable parenting tactic.
Also: Be Prepared to Repeat Rules
Expecting Kids to Be Reactionary