Tattling can top the list of bothersome behaviors for many parents—even only children are not exempt from learning the power that comes with tattling on neighbor children and friends. If you have more than one child, you are pretty much guaranteed that tattling will come into play in the family dynamics. But there are things that parents can do to help to diminish and negate tattling…
Keep in mind that a child’s tattling might be about getting attention, but it is mostly about power and control. It is about trying to get someone to do what he or she wants them to (the other child, you, or whoever is being tattled about). The best way to eliminate tattling is to make sure that the child doesn’t actually get any power or control from the behavior.
As the parent, we can empathize and sympathize, without letting the child feel like he actually got someone else in trouble or got his own way. This can make sure that tattling loses its appeal quite quickly and we can still be attending to our child’s esteem. For example, say that Johnny comes to tattle that Jim has taken his toy. We can say, “I’m sure sorry that happened, I know you like that puzzle.” If the situation escalates, we can remove both children from the ruckus, or as I used to do, remove the item in question for a declared period of time. In my house, every “thing” that was in “time out” went up on top of the refrigerator. By putting the item in time out and not trying to figure out who was really to blame, neither child really received any power or reward for tattling. The next time (or the time after than), they will work it out on their own.
The more involved a parent gets, or the more she is likely to get “triggered” by tattling, the bigger the reward for the child. Stay calm and neutral, express sympathy or empathize, but don’t let the child feel like he or she “wins” when he or she resorts to tattling.
See Also: Why do Students Tattle?
How to Handle a Tattling Student