I remember a few years ago, one of the over-used phrases in the work world was “need-to-know basis”–as in, only supplying workers with the information they absolutely needed to know in order to get their jobs done, and not sharing information that was irrelevant or would make things worse, rather than better. With three teenagers in high school, I’ve found myself pondering just exactly what I NEED to know, and what sort of things it is probably better than I NOT know about…
Acknowledging my maternal nature, I pretty much feel like I should know everything that has to do with my kids. I’ve tried to stay on top of things as a single parent throughout their growing-up years. But, now that they are older teenagers, there are probably things that I not only don’t need to know, it’s also certainly (probably) a good idea that for my own sanity and peace of mind, I don’t know. As much as I appreciate that we have managed to foster an open and honest relationship–my three children and I–and I think they are still talking to me about the important things (judging by my need to swallow hard and sequester some of my discomfort at having authentic conversations about drugs, sex, etc.), there are those moments when I ask myself, “Is this really something I need to know?”
I am not so naïve as to assume my kids are telling me everything–I am quite certain there are plenty of secrets. I am continuously finding out about things they did when they were younger that they somehow managed to keep from me–usually these are silly things that seem pretty tame today, but at the time, they were convinced they would have gotten in trouble or I would have been angry or agitated. Compared to some of the adventures of the teenage years, those childhood infractions seem pretty minor. Still, it is definitely in my nature to want to know everything and anything when it comes to my kids.
I imagine the Powers that Be and the Universe are preparing me for the inevitable emancipation only a few short years away–training me to let go some and realize that I can’t possibly know everything and anything in regards to my children. I’m learning–but I’m not quite ready to settle in to being on a “need to know” basis.
See Also: Allowing Teenagers Some Room to Flounder and Do You Know Where Your Teenager Wants to Go In Life?