It seems that every married couple has their hot button. I have one friend who disagrees with her husband on two specific topics, and as long as they never go there, they have the best marriage ever. Get them on those two topics, and … well, it’s not pretty. Have you identified your hot buttons, and do you avoid them, or do you try to work through them?
I think it’s important that we take a look at our arguments and identify common threads. Are we always more argumentative after we visit Aunt Jane? What is it about the visit that sets us off, and how can we avoid those issues? Do we fight about work, about money, about the kids, or about computer games?
Some issues should just be avoided. There are things we can’t solve, and knowing what we can and cannot change is part of growing up in our relationships. But taking steps to solve the things we can solve is also hugely important.
When you sit down to discuss those issues, make sure you’re both calm. Talking them over right in the middle of a fight is probably not going to be the most productive use of your time. Choose a quiet place and a quiet time, when you’re both able to plug in emotionally.
Try to see the issue from the other person’s point of view. Yes, we all like to be right, but in arguments, there are two sides, and each person feels perfectly justified in feeling the way they do. If you love your spouse, you want to respect their feelings, so put yourself in their place as you discuss.
Conflict resolution means compromise. See what you can do to meet your spouse halfway. Maybe you think the fight is over something incredibly silly—obviously they don’t feel that way, or there wouldn’t have been a fight. Respect what they are saying, even if you don’t agree with it.
If you can identify these hot buttons and work them out at their core, chances are, you’ll argue a lot less … and wouldn’t that be awesome?
Related Blogs:
Preventing Arguments About Money
Communication – a Two-way Street