I am not someone who is normally at a loss for an opinion, and I confess that my children have heard plenty about what I think should happen, or my opinion about this or that, or even what my value system is. I think they have been pretty well indoctrinated with the “theories of mom.” I have had to learn as they have gotten older, however, to let up a little on my opinion and theories and invite them to share some of their own.
Okay, so I probably have permanent scarring all over my tongue from where I have had to bite it during the past couple years, but it is getting easier. When they share stories they read in the newspaper or something they “learned” in school or in a book, I am learning how to say things like, “Well, what do you think about that?” or “Hmmm…do you have an opinion on this?” instead of leaping in with my own opinions. I’m finding that it is paying off, too, as my children are becoming increasingly articulate and making decisions and value judgments for themselves. Of course, they are at that age where things have a tendency to be black and white and they haven’t quite learned that an opinion is just that–it isn’t a fact, but we’re working on it.
I think it is important to encourage kids to think things through on their own terms instead of just absorbing and regurgitating someone else’s opinion–even if it IS a parent’s opinion. I know that many of us have wanted to make sure we taught our children our values and beliefs and personal opinions, but at some point they do have to start thinking through those things for themselves. We can encourage them to become free thinkers, and teach them how to be objective and tolerant of other people’s opinions through our modeling of such behaviors. Besides, I find it reassuring and fun to learn what they are thinking and watch as their own critical thinking skills evolve.
Also: The Change and Development of Priorities
They Have to Learn to Make Decisions
Support and Encouragement for Taking Chances