If you have a child who is at all high needs, you might wonder if you’ll ever understand the meaning of “done” or “full”. What do I mean by these words? You pour energy and love and hugs and all sorts of good things in, and you think that at some point your child will feel satiated. Not so, it seems. Sometimes it feels like preschoolers simply want more and more and more, or that once you have given all you have, you need to give a little extra or a little something different.
To those parents out there who are struggling, what can you do to cultivate a little bit of satiation in your child or in yourself, so that one of you feels calm?
You can start by being present. Choose some time to turn off the television and loud toys and adult distractions. Do what interests your child, if only for half an hour. Let her show you a new skill or share a favorite book. Be calm and be in the moment. When I am feeling stressed or angry, I say to myself, “I am peeling carrots.” Or whatever it is that I am doing at the time. I focus on the task at hand and use it as my calming mantra.
Schedule time around your time. When you are busy, transitions become even more difficult and it is very hard for your child to feel full. No, you don’t need to stay at the playground all day, although one day it might be fun to try. Plan for ample transition time so your child does not feel rushed all of the time.
Work from your child’s social level. Don’t force the word “sorry” or the idea of taking turns when your child isn’t ready. You might feel like a social pariah, but your child will feel less hurried and will ultimately be more willing to share and more genuinely empathetic.
Have plenty. I have to catch myself on this one. I try to let my daughter bake, let her use a lot of paint, while instilling in her a sense of the value of these items and a need to avoid waste.
Have some calming time at the end of the day. At the end of the day, I sing a song to my daughter and ask her if she wants to talk about anything. It doesn’t need to be complex.
What do you do to increase your child’s feeling of being full?