What’s worse than watching one of your children cry for three hours over a broken relationship? Finding out that the one who did the breaking of the heart suddenly realized how wrong they were and wants a second chance.
As I comforted my child (before the other person realized they were “wrong” for breaking up), all I could think in the back of my mind was that this must be the best thing. Because after all, that person surely didn’t deserve my child. Of course, I didn’t tell my child that but those were my thoughts.
I also thought back to when I was in high school and how devastating it felt to be rejected or to be broken up with. I remember the pain very well. But I don’t think I was ever put through that only to have the other person suddenly come to their senses and realize how wrong they were.
Needless pain for three hours. Broken heart for three hours.
It is hard to describe what this feels like as a mother. It is also very hard to keep inside what I really think about the situation.
I didn’t try to tell my child this was for the best…no one wants to hear that when they are in the midst of hurting. I didn’t tell my child it’s the other person’s loss…the one hurting feels as if they have lost everything.
In fact, I didn’t say much. I asked what happened, listened and then held. Sometimes the less you say, the better.
But then a few hours later when I was somewhere else and received the text that this heart breaker had been “enlightened,” I wanted to say a lot. But I knew I couldn’t. My child was once again restored to happiness.
Here are some things I have learned from this…
Just be there for your child when they are in a hurtful situation. Don’t try to force a conversation about something your child isn’t ready to talk about. Don’t try to provide answers. Just be there.
Don’t call the other person’s mother. That doesn’t go over very well with your child (although the good news is that she never picked up and she hasn’t returned my call).
Don’t dismiss the way it feels when your child is hurting. Don’t give pat answers like, “time heals all wounds.” That feels like you aren’t acknowledging the pain.
Finally, understand that as much as it grieves you as a parent, our children have to go through these difficult experiences. It might stink but its life.
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Photo by CarbonNYC in Flickr