It’s true that children learn what they live. I’ve seen it over and over in the things my daughter refuses to eat because her father didn’t like them, or in the way she can be a control freak like her mother. I’m not sure that we always realize that our children are learning their behaviors from us, the good and the bad.
I’m super organized and a little bit of a control freak. Hailey has learned this well. In some ways this can be good, there is a place for everything and everything in its place. In others it can be bad, if I want something done right, I have to do it myself. Now I see this in my daughter and it seems that she has taken the things that make these traits more of a challenge and run with them. She is a perfectionist; the only problem is she gets overwhelmed trying to make everything perfect and gives up on something before she is done.
Being a single mom I tried to be really aware of what I was teaching my daughter. I’ve tried never to talk about my weight, or call myself fat, I don’t want my daughter to feel like she has to worry about her weight. Instead I try to talk to her about eating healthy and taking care of herself. Usually while we are eating ice cream and watching a movie. Hmmm, which speaks louder, your actions or your words? For all the things I’ve been aware of, it’s the things I’ve done without thinking that she has picked up on.
We think that if we tell our children not to do something, they won’t. But if they see us doing it, they are more likely to do it as well. Take worrying. I used to be a world class worrier. I worried about everything, even things that hadn’t happened but might. I felt like it was my job to worry about everything because that kept all the bad things from happening. I’ve gotten over that as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that all the worry in the world will not keep bad things from happening, but sadly, Hailey is a worrier. If something goes wrong she blows it all out of proportion and basically decides that life as she knows it is over. She will never have a good job, make new friends, go to college, or whatever it is that she is worrying about, and then she will be homeless and die.
Yes, she is a little dramatic, she doesn’t get that from me! I think that if she had grown up with both of her parent that might have been tempered. I was a worrier, her father was not, we balanced each other out. Now with no one to balance me I’ve grown my own little worrier. I only hope she outgrows it before she gives herself gray hair.