I know that I have written before about trusting our instincts and trying to let other people’s opinions get to us when it comes to relaxing and doing what we think is best as parents. We do need to try to get away from worrying what other people think. But, I also think that sometimes it helps to think about what sort of “grade” we might get if we were evaluated on our parenting when we think that no one is looking…
You’ve probably heard it before, it’s not what we do when we’re in public or on display that counts, it is what we do when no one is looking. I remember years ago one of my kids accusing me of using “that nice parenting voice” when friends were over or we were out in public and I realized that my kid knew the difference between public, on-display Mom and the raggedy at-home Mom and maybe I should think about bringing the two personae closer together.
I’m not talking about striving for perfection here or even the fake-y, sunshine, Mrs.Brady Mom or Mr. Brady Dad–I’m just talking about thinking about what we say and do when we are in the privacy of our own homes and trying to make our parenting consistent and thoughtful regardless of who is watching or where we happen to be. After all, we are still very flawed and human people–regardless of whether we are parents or not. Maybe imagining what it might be like if we were getting graded for a report card, or if we were on our own reality television show–what might our evaluation look like? And, is it the grade we would want? As for me, on most days, I’d be happy with a “B,” but that doesn’t always mean that I’m doing “B” parenting work!
Also: Keeping Personal Experiences in Perspective
Let Child Overhear Praise, Not Criticism