This is the third article in the series. Click on the links to view the introduction, or, three to five-year-old articles.
The five to eight-years olds are the ones who really seem to get into trouble the most, for simply enacting a normal part of their development. This is the stage where therapists are sent these children to “fix” them. So, is there increased abnormal sexual behavior in this age group? I think not. This age group is highly sociable, have started school, and have many more sets of authoritarian eyes watching their every move. The children are learning the social rules external to their home life and often don’t fully appreciate the rule until they’re caught breaking it. They often don’t need a therapist, they need discussions about what is appropriate and what is not.
This is the stage where exhibitionism rules supreme. The children love to flaunt what they’ve got and to tease others for what they’ve got. The sex play extends to school, the playground and oh, how they love peeping under toilet doors. To them it is a game. There is a level of curiosity, including being curious with another child, but there is generally no malicious or deviant reasons behind the behavior. It is age appropriate and only requires gentle, calm and understanding diversions from parents.
The child’s immediate peer groups tend to be same gender (boys hang with boys, girls with girls) and gang teasing of individuals is seen as fun. Sexualized chants are common (Girls are weak chuck ’em in the creek. Boys are strong, like King Kong.) and kids want to dress like their same gender peers so that they know they belong and so that they have group safety from being teased.
The older children in this age group may begin to show a strong interest in stereotypical male and female roles and copy the behaviors of either a parent or another adult that they have close contact with. If the significant adult displays inappropriate sexual behaviors, the children will copy. If the children watch inappropriate or sexually violent media, they may well begin to attempt to act this act. They are forming their view on what being a male or female means. Unfortunately, when this view is formed during the developmental period of sexual development, the view may be faulty, dysfunctional and lead to later deviant behaviors.
This age group loves to hear stories of their own birth, what they were like as babies, and may continue to have a healthy interest in how babies are made. Many children at this age have already learnt that these subjects are ‘rude’ and it may force them to find out the information elsewhere. They stil take an interest in touching their own genitals but by now have accepted that it is a behavior for behind closed doors.
Some eight year olds, especially girls, may begin showing the signs of puberty. This opens them up to increased teasing by other children and may lead to sex play being forced upon them. Because they are a little different, the curiosity of other children can become too intrusive and inappropriate. This crosses the line from sex play to abuse (see tomorrow’s article on Red Light behaviors). It is for this reason that children need to be aware of protective behaviors from an early age. Knowing that they are allowed to say no, that it is not an embarrassing topic to talk about, and that they can tell are vitally important to functional sexual development.
Even though the sex play of this age group is somewhat more obvious that the sex play of the younger set, no older child or adult should take advantage of a the five to eight-year-olds expression of their developmental stage. If a child innocently or curiously enters into reciprocated sex play with a person more than 5 years older than they are, it is abuse and is the responsibility of the older person to know better. It is interesting to note that the average age of childhood sexual abuse disclosure is nine years of age.
Sexual development, and some low-level sex play, is normal. Sexual abuse is abhorrent and a very different issue to children learning about their body and being curious about the bodies of others.
My FAVORITE child focused article of the day: “Topical Whensday” of cause (pun intended)!