This is a companion blog to my previous one, “Protect Your Special Needs Child from Bullying.”
Children with special needs don’t always recognize what bullying “looks” like. That may be because rejection and cruelty has become all too common for them. Or maybe it’s just too difficult to judge the conduct and emotions of others. For example, it might be hard for a child with Asperger’s Disorder to determine whether someone is telling a friendly joke or laughing at him. Unfortunately, bullies will take advantage of these difficulties, putting our kids at risk.
I looked around the internet for some kind of visual aid to teach about bullying, but didn’t find anything that seemed right for special needs kids. So I’ve created my own icons below and hope you can use them to fuel a conversation with your child. You can either print the pictures, or sit down at the computer and discuss each point. Or you can create your own teaching icons. No matter how you do it, you are arming your son or daughter with the ability to protect him/herself by helping define what bullying is and what can be done about it. (For more specific things parents can do, visit my previous blog by clicking here.)
Adapt these points to your child’s level of understanding:
WHAT IS BULLYING?
Talk with your child about feelings. What makes her happy at school? What does she like? Who are her friends? What makes her sad at school? You may need to teach and explain basic emotions using pictures or gestures and giving them a label. Most children who are being bullied feel sad, although they may not know exactly why.
Talk about different kinds of touch, and what is appropriate. You may want to visit my blog, “Teach Your Child Relationship Boundaries,” as part of this discussion. What areas of the body are private? What kinds of touching are hostile? Even grown-ups shouldn’t touch us improperly.
Most children can recognize if others are laughing at them. Talk to your child about name calling and teasing. Use a doll and pretend to “tease” it. Talk about how the doll “feels” when she is being teased.
Intentional attempts to exclude a child, like saying, “Nobody play with Kate. Don’t even talk to her,” is another example of bullying. Help your child understand that we can have special friends at school but we also need to include others in games and be polite. If your son or daughter is being purposely excluded, the school should address this.
It took a while for my son Kyle to understand what “threaten” means. I still don’t know if he completely understands, but sometimes when he’s angry at a sibling he will raise his fist in the air as if to hit the person, and then stops himself. “Kyle, that’s threating,” I’ve said. “We don’t do that.”
How do we treat other people’s things? Do we scribble on other people’s books or papers? What if someone damages something that belongs to us, on purpose? What should we do?
Talk about the things your child brings to school each day: Backpack, papers, pencils, ruler, shoes, wallet, etc. What is okay to share with others? What is not? Teach her not to give other children money or things from home. Many children will take advantage of these inadvertent gifts.
This ties back to number one. How does school make him feel? What does he like/dislike about it? What should he do if something makes him feel afraid? Sad? Lonely? Help your child to understand what bullying is, so he is more likely to object to it and seek help for himself. You may need to occasionally have a “refresher” discussion, and don’t forget to keep close tabs on your son or daughter by checking in with the teachers and administrators. Watch for emotional signs in your child of unhappiness over going to school.