We talk about marriage in the world like it’s a commodity. Marriage isn’t a gallon of milk, a bottle of wine or a brand new pair of shoes. We don’t get marriage on sale when it’s been marked down 40% and we don’t find it advertised in the newspaper. Well, maybe we do advertise it in the newspaper and maybe we do look at it like a commodity. There are a number of services available that match up individuals who are looking for marriage or a long-term relationship.
Marriage is Organic
For myself, and mind you this is just my opinion, marriage is not a commodity, it is not a thing and it’s not something that anyone can place a monetary or moral value upon. It is an organic extension – a third being if you will – sparked, developed and created by the two people who make their marriage. No two marriages are alike and no matter how many similarities we may find between one couple and another, they are individual and they are original.
When we begin labeling marriage as more or less valued, then we find ourselves falling into the argument of whose marriage is more than someone else’s. If you were married by a justice of a peace at the county court house or married in a garden at an amusement park, is your marriage better or worse than the couple married in the family church?
There is no way to quantify that. Marriage isn’t something we can put a value you on outside of the personal value and dedication we give to it.
The only people who can influence and affect my marriage are the two people who made the marriage and who exist in the marriage and who celebrate the marriage every day.
Marriage Vows
Our marriage vows are important, but no one can dictate how much value you place on them or that I place on them or what our spouses place on them. For some people, open marriages work because they don’t put a great value on their sexual relationships. For others, sex fades from the marriage but the strength of their marriage isn’t diminished by it.
When I’m complimented on my marriage, I do my best to accept the compliment gracefully. When someone asks me how we do it, I’m at a loss to explain it in an adequate fashion. I use examples from my marriage in this blog all the time, but it’s my marriage. It’s the marriage that works between my husband and myself. It’s grown, it’s evolved and it’s become something different and in many ways better than what it was when we first married.
So what is marriage coming to? I don’t know. Because that’s an ambiguous question in that there is no one single, solitary marriage out there to which we may attribute. I have my marriage. You have your marriage. This is why, when I hear arguments about attacks on marriage or on the state of marriage, I just shake my head. You can’t attack my marriage. Your marriage doesn’t attack my marriage. The marriage of two people who love each other or hate each other can’t affect my marriage. The only people who can influence and affect my marriage are the two people who made the marriage and who exist in the marriage and who celebrate the marriage every day.
But hey, that’s just my opinion.
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