Sometimes, my role and job description as a single parent seem incredibly clear to me. I know what is expected of me and what I am supposed to do and I wear my role of “single mom” with distinction. There are other times, however, when I am not exactly sure what my role is or what I should be doing—especially as my kids get older and my parenting role seems to be changing quickly. Of course, I will always be “the mom” but just exactly what that means is sometimes a little ambiguous.
I do not know that being a single parent can be any more confusing in the “role department” than a partnered parent, but I have found in my situation that with two household and two parents, we do get confused about who is doing what and which parent is fulfilling which role. Most of the time, I just assume I am ‘all’ the roles in the parenting department unless or until I hear otherwise. As my children get older, however, what that role entails changes.
Instead of asking myself what I “can” or “should” be doing, I do try to evaluate what the best role for is for me in a given situation. Am I the facilitator or the nurturing mother? Is it up to me to set a firm boundary or take a step back and let the natural consequences unfold? Am I to play the listening and compassionate role or is it better for me to mind my own business completely? Having a reasonably clear understanding of what the best role or part I should be playing is, helps me to be a present and effective parent. Of course, as a single parent, I am often playing the parts I would rather not play since I have no one to pass them off to, but overall, I understand that my role is always changing just as my kids are constantly growing and changing too.