How old is old enough? How young is too young? How do you decide? When you are a single mother one of the biggest financial outlays comes from daycare. Depending on the age of your child, number of children and where you live, daycare can be your biggest monthly expense. Most of us will happily pay the money for the peace of mind of knowing our child is safe while we work.
Every day we make decisions, starting as soon as they are born, taking a quick shower while the baby naps is ok but is running to the basement of the apartment building to transfer laundry while the baby sleeps ok, or is that too much of a risk?
These little decisions start as soon as our children come home from the hospital, and if you are a single mother, it is more intense. You can’t wait until your spouse gets home from work to do the laundry; the baby is safe in his crib, is it ok?
Then come the toddler years when, as a parent who survived those years, I don’t feel that it is ever safe to leave them alone. Even taking a shower becomes a race to get finished before their curiosity gets the best of them. When Hailey was four I took a shower, and when I finished she was in the backyard standing next to a huge canal that was being dug while the man in the backhoe just sat there waiting for someone to come get her. My nephew used to sneak out of the house if my sister went to the bathroom with the door closed. Toddlers are curious and inventive; don’t let them out of your sight.
When they get a little older other questions come up, when are they old enough to walk to a friend’s house alone? Are they too young to play at someone’s house if you haven’t met the parents? How about sleepovers? Walking to the bus stop alone? Staying at home while you run to the store to pick up milk? Staying home alone after school? Staying home alone during the school day? Staying home alone on a Saturday night?
There are so many decisions to make and when you don’t have someone else to talk those decisions though with, it can be overwhelming. No one wants to make the wrong choice, especially when it comes to our children’s safety.
Each child is different and while one child may be ok home alone while you run to the store at nine, another may not be ok until twelve or thirteen. There are no guidelines set in stone, you know your child best.
When Hailey was nine she started complaining about having to go with me every time I left the house for a trip to the corner store, she was ready long before I was. We took baby steps, more for me than for her, I panicked every time I left, at first, but slowly we both got used to it. An added bonus is that once they can stay alone for thirty minutes or so, that’s a full half an hour of quiet. It’s wonderful to go to the store for milk and bread and leave with only that because no one is asking for toys or candy.
Bottom line is trust yourself, you know what your child is capable of and how responsible she is, if you don’t feel they are ready, don’t do it. No matter how old they are, their safety is most important.