Many of us assume that when our child is resisting, we naturally should back off and not force the issue. Well, this is true some of the time—but sometimes, those areas of resistance are where we should pay some extra attention…
Understanding resistance as a way of deflecting attention from what is really bother you, or what really needs attention can take some effort on the part of the parent. Think of your own experiences with resistance—chances are, where you pushed, balked and refused to look at things more closely was probably right where you NEEDED to look at things more closely. It is human nature to try to avoid looking at those part of us and parts of our lives that are painful, upsetting, or almost too truthful to tolerate. The same can be true for our children—where they resist the hardest may be right where we need to be exploring.
Of course, this does not give us carte blanche to push and force and pressure our children into facing their issues or problems. In fact, where there is resistance is where we might need to use more delicacy, skill and tact than we normally would. We have to nudge our child into facing those things that he or she is trying to avoid or resist and we may be able to use our own personal experiences and empathy to guide us. We cannot expect a child to let go of all resistance just because we tell them they should. Rather, I think it helps if we parents take time to try to decipher what is going on and get down to the root of things and then help our child to face what is going on too. It can take time and persistence to get a child to let go of strong resistance.
See Also:Changing Rules and Expectations–Expect Initial Resistance