Do you ever wonder why your spouse acts a certain way? Or where they got a certain quirk?
The holidays are a great time to uncover such mysteries. Why? Because while you’re exchanging presents and enjoying dinners together, if you study your in-laws closely enough, you just may learn a thing or two about your spouse’s behavior.
Learned Traits vs. Genetically Inherited Ones
We all know that we inherit traits from genes, but did you also know you can inherit behaviors too? From watching them.
Your mom and dad, your grandparents, even aunts and uncles have opinions, expressions, and mannerisms, right? Whether you realize it or not, they’ve shaped you too.
Kinds of Things We Learn
I’ll use my husband and I as examples.
Wayne has an incredibly strong work ethic, has little patience, and whirls around so fast getting his tasks done everyone who sees this names him “Taz.”
Over the years, as I’ve spent time with his family, I’ve grown to know his relatives. He gets his work ethic from his grandparents, he got his impatience from his dad, and he gets his hustlin’ work style from his grandma. (That woman can accomplish more in one morning than I can get done most weeks!)
I have a tendency to procrastinate, spend money on silly trinkets for people, and collect things (especially paper).
I get my procrastination from both my mom and dad, I get my love of buying small gifts for people from my dad and sister, and my habit of collecting things comes from my mom.
All Quirks Will Be Revealed in Time
After 20 years I’ve been able to pinpoint where most of Wayne’s quirks come from, but one has always stumped me: his gypsy heart. Where did his love for traveling come from? No one on his dad’s side has the nomad spirit he does.
We’re not as close to his mom’s side. (She left him with his dad when he was six and they’ve only had sporadic contact since.)
However, recently there’s been a semi-reconciliation and I had the chance to have a really great talk with her –-during which I learned she has a mad passion for travel, which she indulges regularly.
Mystery solved.
So whether you’ve been with your spouse for years or this is the first holiday you’ll be spending with their family, study them closely. Once you understand where your spouse comes from, you’ll understand why they act the way they do.
P.S.
Don’t expect to learn everything all at once. You may need years. Some behaviors and quirks are latent. They’re only revealed at certain times or during certain circumstances.
I’ve been with Wayne over 20 years, and his grandparents or aunt are bound to say or do something even now that’ll make me say, “Ah ha! Wayne does that too, and now I know where he gets it from!”
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