One of the questions that come up again and again from parents is what to do about kids and funerals? Do we take them or get a sitter? What age is appropriate for funerals and does it matter how close the child was to the deceased? This can be a sticky and stressful subject for many parents and a tough situation to negotiate…
Some parents think that babies are perfectly fine to take to funerals because they won’t be running around and they are too young to really understand what is going on. But, what if they get fussy, hungry, cry, or need other attention. Can you quietly and tactfully slip out of a funeral service with a squalling baby? Others think that even young children should attend the funeral of a close relative or loved-one. I remember when my grandmother died and my three children were 3, 4, and 5 years old—we came for the funeral and reception but I got a sitter for my kids during the funeral. My cousin, who had a child the same age as my middle child at the time, brought her daughter to the funeral service. It was a grave side service and if I remember correctly, she behaved just fine but I have no idea how the situation affected her. My own children just remember the reception as a big party—like a family reunion.
Even older children may or may not be appropriate participants in a funeral—it really will depend on the child, the family values, and the circumstance. When my best friend and business partner’s husband passed away while my children were in elementary school from a long battle with cancer—I gave them the choice whether to attend or not. I explained as best I could exactly what they could expect from the church service and gave them the option. Two of my children chose to go and one didn’t. I do know that they all three had plenty of questions about death, funerals, dying, manners, etc. that were all brought on my the funeral experience so parents do need to be prepared to help their children process the experience in addition to dealing with it on their own.
Any other opinions or suggestions about children and funerals? Is there an appropriate age or do some of you have opinions about when it is or is not alright for children to attend and/or participate?
Also: Taking Kids to Weddings, Funerals and Other Ceremonies