One of the frustrating things about adoption is all of the unknowns. The one that bothers me the most is that there is no timeframe. Sure, your agency can give you an estimate, but those estimates are really more like guesses. As in, you guess is as good as mine. That is hard to explain to all of those people who are interested in you and your adoption and keep asking, “So, when is your child coming home?”
I have known people who purposely didn’t tell anyone about their adoption plans because they didn’t want to answer questions. If you are able to do that, then more power to you. I, on the other hand, wanted everyone to know and I just about shouted it from the rooftops. I was finally going to be a mom and I wanted to share my joy.
However, the downside to that is that everyone (and I do mean everyone) that I know has to ask how our adoption is going. Right now the adoption for our little boy is in the final court in Guatemala. That court can take 3 weeks or five months. When people ask, “Any news” I have to give the same answer: “We don’t know”. I’ll usually provide the person with a few details, but the jist is that we don’t know if our son will come home soon or if we have a long wait ahead of us.
Once you find yourself in my situation – lots of people who are interested, but no information to give them – you need to figure out how you want to deal with it. Below are a few options of how to handle this situation. Most people pick one or two of these or else create their own combination.
Give Everyone Who Asks All the Details
Some people opt to tell every person who asks all the details of where their adoption is in the process, what glitches they have encountered so far and what the best guess is of when the child is coming home. Pros: People know exactly what is going on. Cons: You have to give everyone the long, drawn-out story and that gets tiring very fast.
Vague Answers
Another option is to just say, “Well, the process is pretty unpredictable. We just hope it won’t be too much longer. Pros: You don’t have to give all the details. Cons: People will probably keep asking how things are going every time they see you.
Ask Not To Be Asked
It is perfectly fine to ask that people stop asking if it is starting to really bother you. One way that I have heard to do this is to say, “The process is taking such a long time and we really don’t know when our child will be home. It’s kind of hard for me to talk about, so would it be okay if I just update you if we get any real news?” Most people will understand this and be happy to give you a little space.
The main thing to remember is that there is no right or wrong way to handle these questions. You need to determine what is best for you and your family and what will help you make it to that day when you finally have wonderful news to share.