There are some things I say before having a “discussion” with my spouse that are sure to get things off on the wrong foot. Take for instance this one, “You never.”
I have come a long way in not using those words. But I remember how batty they used to drive my husband.
How could I possibly take one moment, one experience and turn it into “you never”? It was unfair and exaggerated.
Another terrible way to start a discussion is with this: “I told you this would happen.” The words “I told you” are very demeaning. They sound like a parent talking to a child.
I have to admit, I probably struggle with this one most often. I guess I like to make sure my point has been made and he has seen the error of his ways.
Of course, it also doesn’t help when you correct or criticize your spouse in public. I cringe when someone does that to their husband or wife.
Nothing can cause humiliation faster than talking negatively to your spouse in front of others. It will also cause them to close up.
Think before you speak should be a no-brainer, but I will be the first to admit it doesn’t always happen in that order. If more of us would do this, we could avoid a lot of strife and arguments.
It might help to think about these things before you say something to your spouse. Will it hurt? Even if you don’t intend for it to hurt, will it still come across that way?
Also ask yourself if it is worth it. Is it worth being right or causing an argument? In almost every case it isn’t.
Finally, before you open your mouth consider if what you want to say could be expressed in a different manner. If you have something important to discuss, find a more respectful, kinder way to do it.
Related Articles:
Responding Instead of Reacting
What You Shouldn’t Say to Your Husband
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