We often talk about ways to curb unsavory behavior here and how to influence our children as they grow and develop. I was recently reminded of the old “law” that whatever we pay attention to grows—and this goes for behaviors and habits we want to change in our children too.
The standard advise is to praise and “pay attention” to the things we LIKE that our child does. We can give attention and support to the good behaviors and take our attention away from the behaviors we want to change or make disappear. This is much easier said than done. We feel like we should be addressing all of our child’s troublesome behaviors to make sure that we are on top of things and actually “parenting.” But, there are many times when ignoring the behavior does a quicker and better job of eliminating it than offering feedback, attention, and punishment does.
I’ve always especially had a hard time with this one in public or with friends and peers around—and my kids know it! My misbehaving when we’re in public, they know they can attempt to force me to “feed” the behaviors. It’s much harder to walk away and ignore something when you feel as though you are being judged. It doesn’t help when you get comments, criticism and all sorts of nasty looks. But, the fact is, ignoring the behavior is still the fastest route to getting the child to give up on it.
The important thing is to balance your ignoring of the negative behaviors with plenty of attention and praise for other things. This can mean rewards and such, but it can also just be encouragement and appreciation offered to the child on a regular, consistent basis. Just remember, what we feed and coddle grows, and what we ignore and refuse to fuss over, does not.
See Also: How Good Are You at Setting Limits?
Can You Stay Calm and Neutral During Discipline?
I’d Like to Have a Situation Room Too