We want our children to have friends (at least most of us do) and having little friends and peers over to visit is a typical reality in most households. The fact that all of these little people might have different values, ways of acting and manners is another reality. As the hosting parent (or just a parent), what should and can you do when one of your child’s friends displays poor manners?
I think it is possible to set rules and expectations for your own house without presuming to educate a child on manners. I know there are some who disagree and think that we have every right to teach and try to share our values on manners with any children who come in our house, but there can be cultural and other differences that need to be respected. Instead, focusing on the expectations of the household instead of trying to put it on the child can be a better way to handle it: “In this house, we try to say please when asking for something” is quite different that “You need to say please.” Additionally, I think it is important to try to avoid labeling the child in the presence of our own. Saying something like “Your friend has such bad manners” cannot be taken in any way pleasantly and the child might feel self-conscious or might even share what you have said with his friend or the friend’s family.
Gradually, introduce the child’s friend to the manner expectations in your family and try not to take anything she does or says personally. It is really more of a matter of education and expectations than purposefully being rude. I think it is also important to avoid judgment or ruling out a child as a bad influence simply because his or her manners are lacking.
Also: Should You Discipline Other People’s Children?
Keeping Table Manners in Perspective