Next to clothes and clothing styles, I think hair is the second biggest independence battle that parents and children can get locked in. While there are a few kids who do not really seem to care what their hair looks like, for most children, having some say and control over their hair becomes an evolutionary step toward independence. BUT, how old should children be when they are allowed to decide their own haircuts and hair dos?
I do not suppose there is an exact answer to this. I wish I could say that I was an extraordinarily liberal parent and let my kids have free reign with their hair from an early age. I didn’t. I was still exerting some influence over my children’s basic hair cuts until they were in the third or fourth grade. It was really a gradual process—I went from making all the decisions about what sort of haircut they would get, to letting them tell me what they wanted and then doing some negotiating and “shaping” around their request, to letting them choose and manage their own hair. By middle school, they were all three solidly in charge of their own hair and I bit my tongue when someone’s hair got too long or the color changed.
My kids are pretty level-headed about their hair (no pun intended) but I admit that having complete control over how to wear their hair has been an important step in independence. They were letting me know their opinions about their hair from the time they were quite tiny—whether they wanted it brushed, put up in “ponies” or worn down, or even my son who spent 5th and 6th grade wearing bandana headbands every day.
Every child is different, but I think it is fair to say that gaining control over haircut and style is one of the milestone processes of growing up. I’d love to hear from other parents about how old their child was when they let him or her choose the haircut and style…
See Also: Keeping Your Little One Still
Don’t Let Your Fashion Needs Teen Be a Fashion Reject
A Case For Letting Kids Choose Their Chores