You have an image of your birth in mind throughout your pregnancy. Maybe you imagine yourself to be an Earth mama. You will have this baby with no pain medications and no unnecessary medical interventions. You write your birth plan, read books, take classes and watch birth videos. As the day approaches, you feel confident and ready to deliver your baby.
That is how many of us approach birth for the first time. We are eager to try the exercises and relaxation techniques we learned in child birth classes. However, sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan. When the birth is over, you may be left with regret or feelings of inadequacy because things didn’t go according to your perfectly planned birth.
This happened to me with the birth of our fourth baby last summer. I had three natural births prior to this baby. The pregnancy was healthy and the baby was facing the right way for a vaginal birth. Everything was moving according to schedule. What could go wrong?
Despite my past births and current planning, Logan did not come according to our plan. Labor began eight days past my due date. The pressure was on for an induction, but I was resisting. Holding on to my belief that babies are born when they are ready, I kept busy cleaning the house and washing newborn baby boy clothing and blankets.
Finally labor began, but Logan didn’t enter the world as planned. After many hours of labor and pushing, his head would still not engage in the pelvis. We ended up in the operating room, awaiting a c section. There were moments in that room and shortly after that I felt the weight of Mommy Guilt.
What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t he coming as easily as his sisters? What could I have done to prevent this c section? After much soul searching, I came to the conclusion that there was really nothing I could have done. The combination of a much larger baby and fibroids found in my uterus during the surgery answered my questions.
Many women have trouble processing difficult births with many interventions. Some women carry the emotional pain and feelings of failure for many years. I have decided that for me, this is not productive. In most cases, it’s not healthy to mourn the birth long past the first birthday.
What can you do with these feelings? Talk to someone about your birth. This could be a friend, spouse, counselor or health care provider. Ask any unresolved questions that you have about your birth experience. Once your questions have been answered, work at moving on. Enjoy your healthy baby. If you plan to have another, you can always attempt a natural birth in the future. For now, relax and enjoy the fleeting moments of infancy.
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