When Children Feel Like They Are the Only One Parents Families.com

When Children Feel Like They Are the Only One

There is something about the developmental stages of childhood and adolescence that seem completely universal—kids just seem to grow up, age, go through similar stages and such—regardless of when or where they live. But kids don’t know that. A child seems to feel like whatever it is he or she is feeling—he or she is the only one EVER who thought or felt that way…

I think one of the tasks of maturing and growing up is to realize how universal and connected we are with other humans—how we feel the same emotions, share similar dreams, and have a shared way of interacting with the world. This isn’t to take away from our individuality or uniqueness, or course, but feeling connected means we’re maturing enough outside ourselves to experience empathy and sympathy. For children, it is surely developmentally impossible to see how much they are like other people and so they feel isolated and entirely unique inside.

Adolescence seems to be the height of that feeling of being different. At least that is how I have experienced it with three teenagers. They seem unable to see that they are not the only one, that they are not strange, or unique, or freakish in the way they feel or see the world. Even a child who seems involved and active and reasonably well-adjusted, will likely feel like he is somehow not like anyone else in his world.

I think the only way through this “stage” is to grow and work through it. Encouraging children to get and stay involved and pursue interests and activities can give them a stage where they can meet other individuals with similar interests. Still, until they are developmentally able to see how we are connected and similar, they may continue feeling like “outsiders.” As parents, we can continue to encourage and support, and watch for signs of abnormal levels of anxiety and depression—and find ways to express our own empathy and understanding of how it feels to feel like you are the only one.