Have you and your spouse discussed your wishes for when death does you part? Wayne and I have. Sadly, extensively.
I Coffin Shopped Till I Dropped (Literally)
It all started when Wayne’s dad died. I went with him, his brother, and aunt to pick out a coffin. I freaked out. I had to leave the room full of caskets because I got so upset about the thought of being buried I nearly passed out.
Cremation vs. Burial
Later I told Wayne, “Whatever you do, don’t bury me. I don’t want to be put in a box.”
“But I want you by my side.”
“How about we have me sprinkled on top of you?”
“But what if you go first?”
“Easy. You just hold on to my remains and part of your last requests will have me be sprinkled on top of you.”
It was clear he didn’t like that idea, but I made it equally clear I will make his afterlife a living nightmare if he doesn’t have me cremated.
We sort of let the issue die for several years, but when my mom’s death neared it came back up. (Because my mom wanted to be cremated and laid to rest on my sister’s property in Arizona, and I reemphasized my position: cremation for me too, please.)
“I’m not having you cremated. You’re going in the ground next to me.”
“Oh, no I’m not!”
It went on like that for a while, until we both got frustrated with each other.
A Solution to the Problem
When my mom was in the hospice, one of the nurses had asked me if I had her funeral arrangements lined up. We got to talking about how getting such things in place is no fun, but when they are it’s better than having to deal with it after the fact.
I happened to mention the problem Wayne and I had. I thought she’d think I was nuts, but to my surprise she said, “I have a possible solution for you.”
“You do?” I asked, incredulous.
“My friend and her husband had the same dilemma. Except reversed. She wanted to be buried, but he wanted to be cremated. So they compromised. They got one of those above-ground crypts. Her coffin will slide inside with just enough room for the urn with his ashes to rest at her feet.”
That I could do. I told Wayne and he agreed. So that’s our plan for when death does us part.
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