Damn you, 100 Grand bars.
And you Dots, Twizzlers, Snickers, Sour Patch Kids, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, and all other non-Laffy Taffy candies that have mysteriously made their way from my daughter’s Halloween treat bucket into my mouth and on to my hips.
Forget the 100 Grand bars; I’m 100% positive I’ve gained at least a tenth of 100 pounds by gorging on leftover Halloween candy.
And by “leftover,” I mean whatever the kiddo didn’t stuff down her throat within 24 hours of trick-or-treating.
I blame her for her candy becoming my breakfast (lunch and dinner) of champions.
Okay, perhaps, I am being a bit hard on my little sugar daddy.
It’s my lack of willpower that got me into this (sweet) pickle.
On the bright side, my dentist couldn’t be happier, and not because I nearly lost a tooth jamming my incisors into a jawbreaker I mistook for a gumball. Rather, word has it that dentists across the nation are actually encouraging kids (and their candy-stealing parents) to binge on Halloween candy.
According to dental experts, it’s better for your overall oral hygiene to gorge on your Halloween haul than to space out the candy consumption for days. As it turns out, candy rationing can cause more cavities because your enamel is exposed to acid that corrodes teeth for a longer period of time. Conversely, if you inhale the bulk of your trick-or-treat stash in one sitting, your saliva can better neutralize the acid.
Dentists also note that having kids chow down on mounds of chocolate in one sitting is beneficial because there is a higher likelihood that their moms and dads will force them to brush their teeth after binging than if they were to eat a couple of candy bars throughout the day.
Did you allow your kids to gorge on their Halloween candy?