Infertility is one of the most difficult things a couple can face together. When it comes to deciding to have a baby, most couples begin the natural way. It can take several months before they begin to take notice of the arrival of the monthly cycle with feelings of depression and disappointment. Most doctors define infertility as something that faces couples that have tried repeatedly to conceive a child, but failed to be successful after a year’s worth of attempts.
The Emotional Drain
It is emotionally draining to desire to create a child only to be routinely disappointed each month. Infertility can be caused by any number of physical and biological factors and I’m not a physician, but I understand the disappointment and the strain. I understand the struggle it can be for a couple to confront what medical issues they may have together or individually.
If you have to go through medical testing to determine a medical condition impeding your ability to conceive – then your sense of personal privacy and intimacy suddenly seems to be one of the tests that is being sent to the laboratory. Infertility can make your marriage go under the microscope and the combination of disappointment and inadequacy can be extremely detrimental to the bubble of love that surrounds a married couple leaving them too drained to cope with each other.
Surviving the Strain
It’s important to remember when infertility is confronting you and your spouse that you do not let it become a destructive force in your marriage. It should always be the two of you working together, you need to avoid the blame game more than anything else and when the stress becomes overwhelming, you need to rely on each other. Saying that sounds a great deal easier than living it – but remember you are not alone in this.
Some things that might help you both is to commit to the following:
- Infertility does not equal inadequacy, don’t blame each other
- You are going through this together – share your thoughts and your feelings
- Creating a life should be about joy, not frustration or disappointment when the disappointment becomes overwhelming – cry together – not alone
- Forgoing fertility treatments does not mean the end of a quest for sharing the joy of raising a child together
- Adoption is an option – for the couple that wants to have a child and cannot – they can provide a family for the baby that wants a family and has none
- Make every day a new commitment to each other to be the best husband and wife you can be to each other
- Talk to others who have been where you are – talk to them as a couple to another couple
When it becomes too much – take a break from trying. You can work so hard to overcome infertility that you forget that your sexual relationship is about sharing intimacy and physical commitment as well as forming a deep wellspring of love and affection for each other. When infertility begins to rob you of this feeling, it’s time to take it back. I’ve known three couples that struggled through infertility, including seeing a specialists and being treated for their problems. – only to find success when they stopped trying so hard.
What they all had in common was they remained committed to their marriage – and they held onto their love together – renewing their commitments to each other and while only two of the couples got pregnant and the third adopted – they faced and survived their problems together.
Have you coped with infertility in your marriage?
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