Last time I wrote about the importance of our friends, how they’re still so necessary even when we’re married. I said that we can get some things from our friends that we can’t from our spouses. That can be anything from goofy times, to a chance to talk about our relationship/our spouse (not bad mouth, but just to talk), to even filling some emotional needs.
Now, I realize that this could be a dangerous line. Emotional cheating is very real, and it’s not something to be taken lightly. So today I wanted to point out the difference between having some of our emotional needs fulfilled by our friends, and having an emotional affair.
An emotional affair is when you go to someone else, to whom you could be romantically attracted, for the emotional fulfillment that you used to get from your spouse. It still counts as cheating, because the emotional and intellectual parts of a marriage are just as important as the physical. For many, emotional cheating can hurt even worse than physical cheating, because it could imply a longer term connection rather than just a physical fling.
For many, for it to count as cheating there would need to be some kind of flirtatious/romantic connection, but I’m sure it would still hurt many people if their spouses went to friends, even friends in whom they had no romantic interest, for all of their emotional needs. Even though I know that my best friend might be better at times at cheering me up than my husband, I still always go to him first for comfort. He’s not usually that great at providing it, but he helps some, and I want it from him first. When I do go to my friend, it’s usually just for a bit of texting. I don’t neglect my husband for my friend; I seek out her support in addition to his.
I realize the situation would be trickier if this friend were male. It’s hard for me to think of how I would proceed then, because that’s just not a reality of my situation. I would have to see how Jonathan felt about the situation, and proceed only (or not proceed) in ways that he felt comfortable.
But that’s just not the case. Emotional cheating is when you go to this person for all of the emotional needs that you ought to/used to get from your spouse, neglecting to spend time or discuss even banal things like your day with your spouse, in favor of speaking/spending time with this person. Relying on your friends for some parts of your emotional well-being is another thing. It can be a tricky line, but that’s the way many things in life are.
*(The above image by nuttakit is from freedigitalphotos.net).