In today’s forums a man discusses how he came home one day to find that his wife had left him. He mentions how their life has practically been centered around his returning to school and applying to medical school. He mentions that his wife occasionally mentioned her resentment about relocating for his schooling. She also seemed to have issues about their life being focused on his dreams.
His wife mentioned that their love had been dead for several years. He admits that their love had grown cold.
I hear this a lot. After a separation or divorce, the comment that I hear is, “it had been over for years”. Honestly, I have been there myself. I too have felt a coldness grown over my marriage. I could sense that things were not how they once were. The key is to do something about it before it gets out of control. I think that every couple can let themselves grown into a rut. Every partner can begin to feel cheated (not cheated on).
He/she can feel that perhaps the mate is selfish and uncaring towards his/her needs.
So how do couples avoid this?
Communicate
If you feel resentment toward your spouse, do not hold it inside. It will eventually cause you to grown hard if you do not let it out. Tell your spouse what you are feeling. Talk about how things can be changed to better compliment both of you.
Listen
If your spouse comments that he/she needs more time with you do not make excuses- find the time. If your spouse mentions she would love to take a painting class, do not blow it off- enroll her. If your spouse mentions that he would like to begin working out in the gym, do not tell him he is perfect the way he is (even though it is a nice compliment)- support him. Tell him you too will join and you can work out together. You can learn a lot about your spouse just from listening and picking up on clues.
Be considerate and thankful
While your spouse really might not mind putting the kids to bed every night while you study, it still would not hurt him/her to hear “thank-you”. If your mate is giving more than taking, be mindful and make mention of how much you appreciate it. Always return the favor as soon as you get the chance. Ask your mate what he/she would like to do. What are his/her dreams?
10 Things You Find in a Happy Marriage