Name-calling can be a family problem and you might think that since no one is actually allowed to call people dummies in your house that name calling isn’t an issue. You might be surprised to discover all the different sorts of negative speaking that falls into the name-calling category.
Telling another person that they are being mean, nasty, horrible, selfish, messy, etc. can all be ways of calling names. Whether it is the parent or a child, making negative statements about another person or people is name-calling. Before you tackle name-calling amidst siblings or with the children, you might need to look at whether you are actually modeling name-calling behavior with your own negative statements.
Many of us think that name-calling means that we are using curse words or labels, but negative language of all sorts can be hurtful and problematic. If you say something like: “Why do you have to be so messy!?” that is technically name-calling. Think about things you might say like: “You’re so selfish!” or “Stop being mean to your sister.” Can you see how those negative statements can be name-calling?
As a remedy, it can take practice to retrain and recondition yourself to speak differently. I find that if I try to pose the problem in a positive way, it helps to cut back the name-calling: “Please clean your room;” “I would like you to share your toys please;” and “We both know that you can be kind to your sister” are all ways of being positive and setting a different expectation for a child’s behavior.
Before you can tackle the name-calling that may be going on between other members of your family, particularly the children, you may need to take a good hard look at the way you are speaking to people. Many of us who cannot even imagine ourselves calling our children negative names, may be spreading negativity with our word choices anyway. Putting a positive spin on your critique and expectations can change the way others interact as well.
Also: When Your Kid Thrives on Negative Attention
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