Earlier today, I wrote about how name-calling can be a family and parent issue, not just an issue with children. When it is a problem with the kids, however, what can be done? Are there ways to teach children how NOT to call each other names and how to speak more civil and pleasant to one another?
Having a zero tolerance rule for name-calling and negative statements is a good start. Awareness and setting the bar or expectation high gives the family parameters or guidelines as to what is acceptable and what is not. That said, our children are influenced by all sorts of sources–not just the home life. Name-calling may be an acceptable way to communicate at school, in the neighborhood and among peers. In fact, it might be a “social advantage” for those kids who are the strongest name-callers. This is a strong force for parents to try to counter!
I think it can be helpful to teach children how to rephrase their comments. This means catching their negative statements and name-calling and giving them the tools for how to say things more positively. For young children, we can say things like: “I know you are angry with your brother, but why don’t you tell him what you would like for him to do instead of calling him names.” As children get older and they have had plenty of training around name-calling and negative statements, we can simply say: “How can you say that more pleasantly?” or “Name calling is not allowed.” The important thing is for parents to be consistent–we must call our kids on the name-calling every time, and we also have to watch how we choose to speak to our kids and others as well. It is important that we set a good example and model positive language for our kids.