Many of us have spent a great deal of time trying to manage and deal with our own anger in a healthy and productive way. Whether we have taken classes, seen a therapist, or just been working on what to do with leftover and new anger we might be feeling–we’ve tried to put and keep anger in its proper place. But, what happens when we are the object of someone else’s anger? Whether it is our children, our ex, or someone else in our world, it may initially seem like taking the brunt of someone else’s anger is just more than we need to have to deal with.
Whether the anger or criticism is justified or not, it can be easy to become defensive when someone else unleashes their anger in our direction. There might be a kernel of truth in whatever the other person is angry about. I know that immediately following my divorce many years ago, my children had some anger to work through and I was almost always the parent who got the blast of that anger. I understood that they were hurting and angry, while at the same time I felt guilty for having put them through that hard time. Even if I wasn’t the only adult involved, I was the safest person for my kids to express themselves with. If we can let go of our guilt and tend to our own feelings, then we can detach from the other person’s expression of anger.
It was strange, but I found that when I stopped being defensive and just accepted the reality and felt compassion for myself, I was able to handle that anger much better. When others are spewing their anger at us, of course, we do not have to stand their and take it, but we can manage our own feelings in order to detach and not get sucked into an argument or defensiveness.
Also: Anger Isn’t a License for Disrespect
What do You do with Anger and Frustration?