It isn’t unusual for a parent, and a grandparent, to “butt heads” about parenting choices. This can lead to frustration and anger from both parties. It might be helpful to understand why these situations are happening – and what might help put an end to those uncomfortable moments.
Psych Central posted information from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health at Michigan Medicine. It provided some insight on why parents and grandparents sometimes disagree about parenting choices.
Half of the parents who took the poll described disagreements with at least one grandparent about their parenting. One in seven parents said they limit the amount of time their child sees certain grandparents.
What are they disagreeing about? The most commonly mentioned topics were: discipline (57%), meals (44%), and TV/screen time (36%). Other problematic topics included manners, safety and health, bedtime, treating some grandchildren differently than others, and sharing photos or information on social media.
What are the problems? Parents may feel that that a grandparent is too lenient with a child. This could mean that the grandparent allows behaviors and activities that the parent disapproves of. Or, a grandparent may be seen as too strict by the parent. The grandparent may be disciplining the child for things the parent does not consider to be bad behavior.
What can parents do to avoid arguments with grandparents? Parents can try to calmly request that a grandparent stops doing the thing that annoys the parent. Calmly explain why you would prefer that your child’s photos do not get posted to social media. The grandparent may have been unaware of the dangers, and may decide to delete those photos.
It is not recommended that parents “lose their cool” and start yelling at the grandparent. Doing so could make the grandparent more resistant to changing their ways.
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