Dealing with rude comments and people’s assumptions is one of those life realities that has a tendency to catch us off guard. No matter how many times you have been on the receiving end of an inappropriate comment, I don’t know if we ever get used to it. Surely, it is not just single parents who have to wrestle with this problem but I do think we get more than our fair share. What can we do when we are on the receiving end and what can we do to make sure we are not the ones making rude or inappropriate comments?
There are certain things that I think everyone should refrain from saying ever: do not assume that when you see someone with a child or a group of children that it is their child or grandchild (or that it isn’t). Saying things like: “Are those all yours?” or “What a cute grandchild!” if you do not know the answer is asking for trouble. The child may, in fact, be the child of the individual and you have just told them they are old. Any comment on how many children a person may or may not have is also judgmental and rude.
In my case, my three children are all close together in age and when they were younger and would be out in public, people would constantly ask things like: “Are they all yours?” and “Did you have them on purpose?” or say things like “Couldn’t you figure out what caused pregnancy?” thinking they were being witty. They were really just being obnoxious and rude. Also—it is never a good idea to ask someone “when she is due?” unless you know for an absolute fact that she is pregnant. I don’t know how many times I have heard of that one happening or had it happen to me. The post-pregnancy body can be tough enough to get used to!
Here are some fun answers to those rude and obnoxious questions: to the very rude and ignorant, “when are you due?”—how about “Am I late for something? Where am I supposed to be?” To the assumption that you are the child’s grandparent instead of the parent: “I’ll tell my mother/father that you said that about their grandchild.” Of course, it isn’t always possible to come up with something witty—especially when we are caught off guard by someone’s rude or inappropriate comment. You can just take a cue from my oldest daughter who has no problem telling people: “That is an awkward thing to say.” It usually does the job and teaches a mini-lesson in the process.
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