When should you allow your kids to start dating? This was the question posed this morning to listeners of the radio station I sometimes listen to while I walk. Having a child many years (I hope!) away from any prospect of dating, I didn’t give the question much thought. As I continued to walk, they asked the question again and said they would go to the phone after the next song for responses. Okay, I said, let me think. I would have to say, when the child is mature and responsible enough. That’s the first criteria. Although age should be a determining factor. I would not let a child officially “date” before the age of 13. Notice I said officially because we know kids will sneak around and do things that their parents aren’t aware of. When I was a kid, I was not allowed to date or have a boyfriend. Did that stop me? No (I hope my mother is not reading this!). I had “boyfriends” from sixth grade (12-years-old) throughout high school. My one and only official date was my senior prom. I certainly was mature and responsible enough but my mother was very strict and that was that.
As the calls started coming in most callers simply threw out numbers without any regards to the individual child. Most seemed to agree that 13 or 14 was a good age to start dating. Then one caller made an interesting comment. She started talking about the legalities of dating in terms of the age of consent. She pointed out that parents should think about the consequences of their sons possibly being arrested for statutory rape. The DJ’s pointed out that they were talking about dating as in going to a movie or dance and not anything sexual. The caller then pointed out that you have to be realistic; teenagers are having sex. Unless someone accompanies the kids wherever they go there’s no way a parent can say they aren’t having sex. Good point. I think this goes back to what I initially said, the issue of maturity and being responsible. Sex education should start at home, not in the streets.
After a bit of discussion on this point the DJs conceded that the caller had a point. Before she hung up she made one more very important point— if your child dates, make sure you get to know the other child and their parents. If your child is going to spend time at the house of his true love, make sure you know what kinds of adults your child is spending time with. You want to definitely make sure they have the same values that you have as well as make sure your child knows that if something fishy is going on (drugs, alcohol, etc.) they need to let you know about it. For more information on sexuality and teens please read these blogs:
Book Review: From Diapers to Dating
Talking with Children About Sexuality
Young Men: Teaching Respect for Women