We have talked about biting as a young child’s issue here in the parenting blog, but we have not really spent much time talking about slapping. At least I have not written much about children who slap as a way of reacting to what is going on, trying to get what they want, expressing anger and aggression, or bullying other children. What does slapping mean and what can be done about it?
I think that slapping can show up around the same time that biting does. I also believe that if children are raised in a home where the adults slap them, they are more likely to see it as a reasonable way to express anger or try to get others to do what they want. After all, that is what they have been shown and what has been modeled for them. It is also extremely common for frustrated children in the preschool years to reach out and slap when they cannot communicate or influence what is going on. This does not mean that we need to tolerate it, however.
If you can interrupt a child before he or she slaps, I think that is good. If you are in the vicinity and hear the conversation escalate or notice children getting frustrated and you know that your child is turning to physical violence, try to step in and intercede before someone gets hit. If this is not possible, then I do think that the parent needs to step in as soon as it happens and the child needs a time out—removed from the situation and the victim or victims. I think it is important to send a crystal clear message that violence is not the answer to problem-solving no matter what has happened.
Trying to talk through who said what and who did what while one child is slapping and another is crying just doesn’t work. The behavior needs to be dealt with and the violence interrupted, then you can explain what is expected and acceptable to the child.
Additionally, I believe we need to concentrate on giving our children the tools to solve problems without slapping—give them the words to use when they are getting frustrated and you might even create a signal they can use or a safe place they can go to in order to gain composure when they feel like slapping. By encouraging the positive and putting a quick stop to the negative slapping, you should be able to help your child move through this phase and develop positive social and problem-solving skills.