Things have changed in the world and it is definitely “easier” to be a single parent these days, at least it there is normally an environment that seems more hospitable to single parent families here in the United States. The reality of taking care of a family as a solo parent is still tough, but many of us have found more support and understanding for our situation. Even with these changes, however, there can still be those times when things do not feel so hospitable and the world seems pretty un-single parent family-friendly. Fortunately, there are things we single parents can do to cope…
When I start to feel unsupported, the first thing I do is ask myself how much of it is actually me. I know this may seem like “blaming the victim” mentality, but sometimes it is really that victimization thinking that spurs my feelings of hostility. Sometimes, I’m sort of feeling sorry for myself and I invent the feeling that the world is not being supportive without even realizing it.
Alright, so say that we aren’t making it up and someone really IS being judgmental or anti-single parent family? I have heard of single parents sitting in church and getting surprised by an anti-single parent family sermon, or hearing a teacher say something insensitive about children raised by one parent—it can be shocking and make us feel defensive and/or self-conscious. At the very least, it can be uncomfortable. Remember, we get to choose how we react. We may not be able to control other people’s comments or belief systems—but we can control how we respond. You can say something to counter the hurtful comment, or choose to ignore it, or wait and let someone know after the fact and in private that you took offense to something that was said or done.
I think where it can be really rough is when we think our children are being hurt or judged because of our single parent family status. As parents, we can help our children learn how to NOT take things personally that might be said or done, and give them the tools to respond, rise above, or not take things on when the world seems unfriendly to our single parent families.
Also: Consider Where Your Influences Are Coming From
Responding and/or Combating Others’ Assumptions
Think of Yourself as a Pioneer