Yesterday we looked at the little things in marriage that can be a problem. As well as not letting them build up, there is another reason those who run marriage preparation courses advocate dealing with the little things. If you can’t talk about the little things how are you ever going to be able to talk about the big things in your marriage? Communication is something that needs to be practiced and made a habit, we not only take into our marriages but keep up once we are married.
Sometimes we may think we don’t want to talk about certain things or tell our spouse that it is annoying or that something they are doing really offends or hurts us because we don’t want to hurt their feelings. But a little bit of hurt is easier to deal with than something that is allowed to build up and gather momentum, till one day like a rock slide it all comes crashing down and the person is left crushed underneath it.
When you disagree, is it you or your spouse who gives in more often? This can be because one person wants to resolve the issue and doesn’t want to be arguing but to get the relationship back on an even keel. However if can present another problem, if one person feels they are always the one to give in. Then resentment starts to build and build till eventually it comes out.
In that second last sentence of the above paragraph, did you notice how I slipped in that dreaded word that can fuel so many arguments? The A word – ‘always.’
Another problem area marriage counselors warn against is making sweeping statements. You know the kind of thing I mean. ‘You always expect me to do the washing up. You never think to do it. Or ‘You always forget to take the trash out.’ He might have forgotten once or twice. Or ‘You always forget to take my clothes to the dry cleaners or spray my shirts for stains before putting them in the wash,’ or ‘you always say that!’ The truth is it may have happened a time or too before, but it is not ‘always’ and to say so is a sure fire way to get the other person’s back up. They immediately get defensive and before you know it you have a full blown argument happening.
Join me tomorrow for more helpful hints about marriage and problem areas.
Please visit these related blogs
Should Marriage Preparation Classes Be Compulsory?
How to Keep Your Marriage on Track