It really is not revolutionary parental advice to hold tight and be loving and accepting of our children even when they are at their most challenging. But it is much easier said than done. When kids are being extremely naughty, ugly, acting out, and being “unlovable”–we tend to wrack our brains trying to figure out disciplinary techniques and wonder what we should do to “fix it.” Sometimes, all we need to do is love their unlovable selves all the harder!
You might be surprised, but sometimes just greeting our children’s unlovable behavior with genuine love and affection can be a magic cure. Sure, there is a time for tough love, a time for limit-setting and strong boundaries, but I believe that it is always the time for love. Whatever else you do as a parent, I think that making sure the love comes through is key.
A well-placed hug when a child is being snotty or snaky; pulling a crabby child aside when she doesn’t expect it and letting her know you love her and believe in her; even taking a kid who is having a hard time out for a one-on-one lunch can make a huge difference. The thing is, it can be the last thing we really think to do or want to do because the child is acting so unlikable! As parents, we have to remind ourselves to share and display our unconditional love at such times, and this means being able to rise above and step away from what “appears” to be going on with the child and tapping into the bond and connection and appreciation we feel that has nothing to do with naughty or nasty behavior.
I don’t mean to imply that affection and showing love is a cure-all–it isn’t, but it does help. AND, I do think that remembering that children often need the most outward display of love from us when they are acting the most unlovable can be a good “tool” for a parent.
Also: Remember, Childhood Passes
What Does Unconditional Love Mean to You?