We want our children to learn that different behaviors are appropriate at different times and places, but they often discover this on their own too. Parents often are surprised to discover that a child who is well-behaved at home acts out while at day care or school or vice versa—a child may be “better-behaved” when he or she is not at home. Other things can differ as well like eating habits, toileting, and sleep habits. Is there anything we can do about this as parents or are we doomed to accepting the differences?
Early on, you may notice that a baby or infant behaves differently at home than she does at day care, grandma’s house, or other places. It is always a bit disconcerting since parents would like a little consistency and predictability. It is quite common for children to sleep differently at different places and even to be toilet trained at one place and not the other. You might think that it makes sense for children to be toilet trained at home first, but some children will use the toilet just fine at day care or preschool or grandma’s house and not at home. As a parent, our first task is to try to figure out why.
Look for obvious differences first—is there a different schedule, expectation, rewards, etc. that might make behavior vary? What time of day is the child in different places as this might play a role. You can also explore the environment to see if there are specifics to either place that might make things different for the child. Don’t overlook the power of peer pressure and adult expectations if behaviors are better or worse at day care or school. If you have exhausted all of the obvious possibilities, then you might have to dig deeper. There may be deeper issues going on for the child that are not on the surface. I think the hardest thing for parents to face is when there is something that we are doing that is influencing our child’s behavior outcome. If the child is potty trained at day care or not at home, is it something we are doing? If she behaves well every where else but not at home, what it is about how we are managing the home life that might be contributing?
Also: 8 Difficult Autistic Behaviors and Why They Happen
Why Is My Child Doing That? Understanding Misbehavior